7 Keys to Creating a Great Relationship When You are Time Poor

If you are successful in your business or profession, you are probably ‘busy’. In fact, you are probably ‘busy and stressed’, or ‘as busy as a one-armed builder in Syria’!

Almost everyone I meet today, when I ask, genuinely, ‘how are you?’, reply ‘busy, too busy’. Lawyers, accountants, plumbers, doctors, young and old, quote this familiar refrain.

So, how do you create that great relationship with all these other pressures demanding your attention? Here are 7 key strategies to provoke your thinking.

 

1. Be willing to be true to yourself.

Stop trying to appeal to everybody: you won’t! Yet, to whom will you appeal? This is almost impossible to answer, particularly since every person experiences life uniquely, through the filters of their subconscious minds. And it is our subconscious minds that enable us, indeed drive us, to create our beliefs and behaviours.

Therefore, the most effective strategy is to be true to your own beliefs and values, and to be true to how you wish to live your life; those with whom you come into contact can then make their own choices on whether they are attracted to you or not. You become ‘authentic’.

2. Discover your passion.

I have been researching and speaking on the topic of passion for almost 20 years, and have pursued my passions for over 50 years. What is ‘passion’? It is a source of unlimited energy from your soul, or spirit, or heart that enables you to produce extraordinary results.

Most people in Australia are not passionate about their work, but everyone has passion. The tragedy is that not many people have the courage to discover and pursue their passion.

If you are passionate, you immediately raise your personal energy and become far more attractive to other human beings. You will stand out from the crowd, and others will notice you more readily.

3. Be willing to simplify your life.

There is too much ‘stuff’ in our lives that does not fulfil us, nurture us, or give us lasting joy.

When you discover your passion, you are more able to decide what is important to you. You can discard unnecessary complexities that you are hoarding, or pursuing, ‘just in case’ they might make you happy. Simplifying your life will create time for you to devote to a relationship that has been created because you are being true to you.

4. Be willing to be vulnerable.

I learnt a long time ago that when vulnerability meets vulnerability, it creates intimacy. Intimacy is the hallmark of a great relationship.

When you are vulnerable, open, honest, courageous, and true to yourself, the other person is more likely to feel your essence and respond similarly. Then intimacy can be created, and you need to spend less time proving your commitment to the relationship: the other person becomes less demanding of your time because the feeling of intimacy is a powerful glue that holds the relationship.

5. Allow others to be true to themselves.

Let go of requiring other people to behave in ways that suit you. If you are going to be true to yourself, then allow others to do the same. That way, you can more quickly decide whether you are truly attracted to another person, or whether it’s their ‘act’ that has drawn you in. You waste less time!

6. Adopt the concept of ‘Parallel Thinking’.

Edward de Bono’s book ‘Parallel Thinking’ beautifully explores our 3000-year tradition of Western philosophical thought that proposes there is ‘truth’ to be discovered in any issue. De Bono, however, says there are often times when competing ideas or thoughts can run ‘in parallel’ because there is no truth: for example, in designing a new outfit or a new building.

By allowing parallel thoughts to run in your relationships, you become much more flexible, leading to less conflict about what is right, wrong, true or untrue, and you become much more lovable and fun to be with.

7. Be willing to learn the principles of time management.

I have worked with many time poor executives over the past 15 years, in both corporate groups and as their executive coach. I am appalled by the quality of time management skills of most of them!

Become a master of your time, and you won’t be so busy! If you invest your time in developing these skills, you will enjoy a remarkable reduction in stress and a remarkable increase in your experience of the many joys of life.

Charles B Kovess LL.B. (Hons), LL.M., MAICD, MAITD
Australasia’s Passion Provocateur©
Certified Speaking Professional
www.kovess.com

“PASSION, ENTREPRENEURS AND ECONOMIC GROWTH”

Your country’s economic growth depends on successful entrepreneurs!

And I believe that entrepreneurs who are passionate will be more likely to succeed than those who are not. Passion is a source of energy and of courage that enables the entrepreneur to take the inevitable blocks to progress and overcome them.

Being an entrepreneur certainly requires courage, particularly if you take the route that I did when I left the legal profession. The courage is required to face the fears of failure and of financial challenges, not to mention the loss of status from those around you who think you are crazy!

Entrepreneurs drive economic growth because they create new products and services, and discover innovative or creative ways to improve productivity and to reduce waste. They are often described as crazy, because they are told what they seek to do is impossible.

The ‘economy’ is actually people being in motion, harnessing their energy to work physically or mentally to add value. The more people that there are out there adding value, the bigger will be the economy.

When you have lots of energy, because you are passionate, you are able to add more value.

I am a member of TiE Melbourne, one of the world’s largest organisations that supports and promotes entrepreneurs. As an organisation, it supports the spiritual value of entrepreneurship, not just the financial value.

Please visit www.melbourne.tie.org to find out more about this global organisation with over 60 chapters all around the world.

 

Charles B Kovess LL.B. (Hons), LL.M., MAICD, MAITD
Australasia’s Passion Provocateur©
Certified Speaking Professional
www.kovess.com

“WHY AREN’T YOU PASSIONATE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH?”

Are you healthy? How would you know? How would you measure this?

Most people do not have a definition of health: they simply say they are ‘healthy’ if they are not sick at that moment.

But there is a wide range of health available, and I encourage you to decide what your definition is going to be.

I further encourage you to choose to be passionate about being as healthy as you can possibly be! After all, what is more important than your health?

Here is an example. If you created a health scale of 1 to 100, with 1 being almost dead, and 100 being so healthy you could not improve, then 51 would be the state of ‘no present known sickness’.

Yet, how would you be functioning if you were 51 rather than 95, both of them states of ‘not sick, therefore healthy’? There would be a huge difference.

On this scale, what is your true answer to the question ‘Are you healthy?’

I have crafted a definition of ‘health’ that is most useful and I commend it to you. It is based on the Hungarian word for ‘health’ which literally means ‘wholeness’.

My definition is this:

“Health is the unique optimal balance for each person of mind, body and spirit elements in that person’s life”.

When you strive to improve the balance of mental, physical and spiritual elements in your life, you will continue to become healthier, moving from perhaps 51 on the scale all the way up to 100!

The benefits of moving up the scale include:

  • More energy
  • Greater productivity
  • Better relationships
  • More money
  • Spending less money on medical complications
  • More fun!

Choose to be passionate about your health!

 

Charles B Kovess LL.B. (Hons), LL.M., MAICD, MAITD
Australasia’s Passion Provocateur©
Certified Speaking Professional
www.kovess.com

HARNESS YOUR PASSION TO ADD SIGNIFICANT VALUE

I have come to the conclusion that the Universe rewards us in life for the value that we add. The Universe clearly works according to certain scientific and predictable principles, and this is one of those principles.

This does not mean that you cannot receive anything without adding value: that is a different principle at work.

From my earlier blogs, you will have an understanding of ‘passion’, and how it is an unlimited source of energy from your soul, or spirit, or heart, that enables you to produce extraordinary results.

So my question to you today is this: are you harnessing your passion to add significant value? Do you know how much value you are adding? And do you see that when you have unlimited energy, you are able to add more value than when you are low in energy?

I encourage you to start thinking about these questions, and then write down your responses. When you start to understand how this universal principle works, and apply it to yourself, you will begin to behave differently. You might ask for a pay rise, or you might even say to your employer, in your integrity, I am not adding enough value so you should either reduce my pay or increase the ways in which I can add value!

You might even say to your boss, ‘passion is being squashed in this workplace, so that limits the value that team members can add’.

Let me share three specific simple examples of adding value, so you gain a deeper understanding of this key issue:

  1. A florist who sells you flowers for a funeral for $50 is adding value to your life because she is satisfying your (non-material) desire to express your sympathy to someone who matters to you. If that desire is strong, it is clearly worth more than $50, and the florist has added value.
  2. A receptionist at a business who earns $800 per week may or may not add value. What problems does he or she solve while acting as a receptionist?
  3. As a professional speaker, when I earn $5,000 for a speech, if just one member of an audience who is a salesperson changes his or her behaviour to be more passionate and more effective, the value generated for the company who paid me could easily be more than $50,000 every year thereafter!

©Charles Kovess
Kovess International
24 October 2012

10 EXTRA KEY STEPS TO DISCOVER YOUR PASSION

This article follows on from an earlier blog “7 Ways to discover your Passion”.

Read the preliminary comments in that first article: they will help you.

Here are 10 extra practical, proven and powerful steps to assist you on your journey of discovery. Spend the time and do the work: the rewards are worth it!

  1. What are the biggest mistakes you have made in your life and what did you learn from them?
  2. What are the biggest risks you have taken in your life and why did you take them?
  3. Who do you admire and why do you admire them?
  4. If you had $20 million in the bank, what would you do with your life? Remember, resting will be interesting for about 6 months – then you have to do something or you will die. I know three friends who were all multi-millionaires at 40, retired, and then returned to the game of life before they were 41, risking much of what they had created up to that point in their lives. Humans are not meant to be sitting around, doing nothing, in my opinion.
  5. From the answers so far, what have you discovered that you are good at?
  6. Read books on personal development for at least one hour per day, every day!
  7. Listen to CD’s on personal development topics on your ipod or in your car when you are travelling.
  8. Take responsibility for your life: don’t play the victim/martyr game by blaming anyone for where you are now at in your life’s journey. It is so easy and seductive to play victim/martyr! You will receive sympathy, attention and, sometimes, even financial compensation. Yet, playing victim is ultimately depressing, it ‘depresses’ your spirit, and you are highly unlikely to learn anything, leading to repeat the unpleasant experiences again until you learn what you need to learn.
  9. Understand that you become what you think about: your thoughts create you and have created you so far. Therefore, you must write out what you wish to become in 50 words or less, and then every day you need to control your thinking so you focus on what you wish to be, not on the crap that might be filling your life. Your actions and behaviours are driven by your thoughts. What do you think about most of the time?
  10. If your thoughts are too negative and you can’t change them, get professional assistance. Tiger Woods has a golf coach, so you can get a mental coach!

I promise you that if you do the above work, the results will be remarkable.

You will discover a new you.

©Charles Kovess
Kovess International
27 September 2012