5th Key of 7 Keys to Creating Great Relationships

Key 5: Allow others to be true to themselves

Release the need you may have for other people to behave in ways that suit you. If you are going to adopt my strong advice to be true to yourself, then allow others to do the same. That way, you can more quickly decide whether you are truly attracted to another person, or whether it’s their ‘act’ that has drawn you in.

You protect your precious time by using this strategy! You can get on and live passionately rather than being deluded.

A recent challenging movie on this topic is “The Invention of Lying”, starring Ricky Gervais (of ‘The Office’ fame) and Jennifer Garner. The movie premise is that no one knows how to lie. Ricky meets Jennifer, and it is amazing what brutal honesty on a first date looks like. It would save you so much time! Watch the movie and observe how you react to it.

Of course, it is often dangerous playing the honesty game. People might, and can, use your honesty against you. It has happened to me in the past on many occasions. Still, my time is more precious and valuable than to waste it: in almost the blink of an eye, we are dead, the planet will remain, and our lives are like a blink of the universe.

Charles B Kovess LL.B. (Hons), LL.M., MAICD, MAITD
Australasia’s Passion Provocateur©
Certified Speaking Professional
www.kovess.com

7 Keys to Creating a Great Relationship When You are Time Poor

If you are successful in your business or profession, you are probably ‘busy’. In fact, you are probably ‘busy and stressed’, or ‘as busy as a one-armed builder in Syria’!

Almost everyone I meet today, when I ask, genuinely, ‘how are you?’, reply ‘busy, too busy’. Lawyers, accountants, plumbers, doctors, young and old, quote this familiar refrain.

So, how do you create that great relationship with all these other pressures demanding your attention? Here are 7 key strategies to provoke your thinking.

 

1. Be willing to be true to yourself.

Stop trying to appeal to everybody: you won’t! Yet, to whom will you appeal? This is almost impossible to answer, particularly since every person experiences life uniquely, through the filters of their subconscious minds. And it is our subconscious minds that enable us, indeed drive us, to create our beliefs and behaviours.

Therefore, the most effective strategy is to be true to your own beliefs and values, and to be true to how you wish to live your life; those with whom you come into contact can then make their own choices on whether they are attracted to you or not. You become ‘authentic’.

2. Discover your passion.

I have been researching and speaking on the topic of passion for almost 20 years, and have pursued my passions for over 50 years. What is ‘passion’? It is a source of unlimited energy from your soul, or spirit, or heart that enables you to produce extraordinary results.

Most people in Australia are not passionate about their work, but everyone has passion. The tragedy is that not many people have the courage to discover and pursue their passion.

If you are passionate, you immediately raise your personal energy and become far more attractive to other human beings. You will stand out from the crowd, and others will notice you more readily.

3. Be willing to simplify your life.

There is too much ‘stuff’ in our lives that does not fulfil us, nurture us, or give us lasting joy.

When you discover your passion, you are more able to decide what is important to you. You can discard unnecessary complexities that you are hoarding, or pursuing, ‘just in case’ they might make you happy. Simplifying your life will create time for you to devote to a relationship that has been created because you are being true to you.

4. Be willing to be vulnerable.

I learnt a long time ago that when vulnerability meets vulnerability, it creates intimacy. Intimacy is the hallmark of a great relationship.

When you are vulnerable, open, honest, courageous, and true to yourself, the other person is more likely to feel your essence and respond similarly. Then intimacy can be created, and you need to spend less time proving your commitment to the relationship: the other person becomes less demanding of your time because the feeling of intimacy is a powerful glue that holds the relationship.

5. Allow others to be true to themselves.

Let go of requiring other people to behave in ways that suit you. If you are going to be true to yourself, then allow others to do the same. That way, you can more quickly decide whether you are truly attracted to another person, or whether it’s their ‘act’ that has drawn you in. You waste less time!

6. Adopt the concept of ‘Parallel Thinking’.

Edward de Bono’s book ‘Parallel Thinking’ beautifully explores our 3000-year tradition of Western philosophical thought that proposes there is ‘truth’ to be discovered in any issue. De Bono, however, says there are often times when competing ideas or thoughts can run ‘in parallel’ because there is no truth: for example, in designing a new outfit or a new building.

By allowing parallel thoughts to run in your relationships, you become much more flexible, leading to less conflict about what is right, wrong, true or untrue, and you become much more lovable and fun to be with.

7. Be willing to learn the principles of time management.

I have worked with many time poor executives over the past 15 years, in both corporate groups and as their executive coach. I am appalled by the quality of time management skills of most of them!

Become a master of your time, and you won’t be so busy! If you invest your time in developing these skills, you will enjoy a remarkable reduction in stress and a remarkable increase in your experience of the many joys of life.

Charles B Kovess LL.B. (Hons), LL.M., MAICD, MAITD
Australasia’s Passion Provocateur©
Certified Speaking Professional
www.kovess.com